In America we eat man semen.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
