He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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