I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Randomize
