we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
