It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
