im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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