Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
