you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
