Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
