you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
