i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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