U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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