Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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