No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
