Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
