My girlfriend figured out who you are.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
