Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
