we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
