I can text with my tongue
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize