Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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