giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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