she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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