I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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