And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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