my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
