I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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