I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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