I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
