Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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