god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
