all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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