the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
