one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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