brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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