im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
