yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize