I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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