Having a random hookup so left but love u
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
