All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
