Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Drunk is a universal language darling
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