Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
