My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Me. At least after what I've been through.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
