I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
