u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
