what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
