It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
