Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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