I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
