I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
