We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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