He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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