The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
