im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i barfeds in our rink
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
not ubering you a puppy
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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