i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
