it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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