I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize