I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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