My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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