its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
