If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need a beard to bite.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
