I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
