last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
