if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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