You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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