Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
