new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
