just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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