Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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