thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if only i could text you this smell
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize