she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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