dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
