I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
