So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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