it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
