New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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