They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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