All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
