but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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