hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
