Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
