Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Can I color on your dick again?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize