i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
