R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
