but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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