I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
