My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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