Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
