Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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