I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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