mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I believe in your delicious
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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