When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
