I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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