You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
