how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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