the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
