they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
