she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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