She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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