Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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