remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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