Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
A+ Viking dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
