my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
