My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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