you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All the doctor said was why
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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